sat 30 jan 1999 22:00:00 brookline ma
i have a lot of turmoil in my heart, on the eve of moving away from d. [...]
for years i have been perhaps her best friend and closest confidant, and now i feel like i simply can't be that, at least not for awhile — because what she needs is precisely not to depend on me. that's why she needs me to go away.
it's hard. even though she doesn't think i love her, i can't stop loving. but as she put it friday night, i made a choice.
it would be great if somebody like god would talk to me about this and let me know what to do. from all the other feelings i've had, i can't imagine god would have sanctioned my shunning his present gift of life to me. but i can't imagine him wanting me to hurt anybody either!