mon 06 jul 2009 11:41:16 — witte de withstraat
a complex swirl of emotion
it's been quite a busy time lately. family visiting, emotional turmoil, web mag design, filmmaking, dvd making, house stuff.
i learned the fundamentals of building "mental shoes" magazine as pdf. kh suggested this, and i think it is a good idea. issue 003 came out more or less on schedule, i have just had to make a few tweaks to it. d2 is busy trying to get more attention for the thing, by posting little classifieds here and there. that's good.
my brother and his wife visited amsterdam on the occasion of their 40th wedding anniversary, between 26 june and 04 july. they've arrived safely back in boston. i shot some footage of bill playing george's guitar and put it on youtube. now bill has caved and joined facebook so he can check on what his family are up to. my nephew dc flew in from münchen to hang with us for a few days. he returned safely yesterday.
on friday we shot at mulligan's, footage for a music video for mark gilligan's song "the lodger inside of me". over the weekend i made a preliminary edit of the movie.
i got in touch with ajw on the occasion of her 41st birthday. she phoned be back last night while i was sitting with fly and jk at mulligan's. i asked again whether she was still thinking of coming to amsterdam in july. "i don't know now," she said, followed shortly by "i met a guy!" that made me feel bad, i guess because all her late night (or 6 am) soul-searching telephone calls had led me to believe we were growing closer again, that she needed me and wanted me, and that maybe i was next in line. i wondered if i had somehow misled her into thinking i was ever going to be "just friends". she could have made those same calls to just a friend, ie, someone who didn't want to fuck her brains out.
right now i'm feeling like if i just had somebody i could give a few orgasms to, i would feel better. nothing too strenuous. the trouble is, i can't put a notice on facebook saying "any girls out there want their pussy licked?" cuz that would sound kinda rude i think.
my housemate came back yesterday after a three day absence. she had been hanging with her friend and her pain. i'm thinking this is gonna be just fine as long as i don't make any appointments with her. she's unpredictable and that's okay with me. (it's also why she hasn't become famous.)
this morning i'm giving some thought to overhauling the postwar.nl site.
i forgot to mention, there is also a woman in our sphere whom i am trying to avoid, precisely because i find her attractive. this is the reason why i wrote a few days ago "pretty girls take away my wisdom." i don't want to be mean, she's actually quite a nice and smart lady. i'm just avoiding her for now cuz i'm trying to postpone more heartbreak. it's kinda tricky because she's a good friend of some of my friends, so she keeps appearing. but then, most things in this particular life are kinda tricky.