tue 10 jun 2003 12:00:00 — osdorp / de aker
loneliness
pani has gone back to poland. hg ... who was angry at me about something for awhile, then we seem to have made up ... has gone to barcelona to do a movie for metapolis.
it's warming up around here.
i think i'm running out of money and contemplating giving up on amsterdam and going back to boston, or buffalo, or something. i'm not sure how to start to try to make friends here. or look for work, which i only just recently started to seriously consider. last week i sent out ten letters to companies that i thought might like me. but what good is that gonna do? i have no idea. i'm not planning on cold calling anybody, that's for sure. i never did really think about how i might start finding a way to support myself.
the lady at the vreemdelingendienst was pretty positive about my getting my residence permit, right now i feel like i should try to wait that out and at least *get* it before deciding what to do next. i got july's rent ready because hg paid me 1500 for the project for kunstenaars & co.
i guess i haven't been eating as well since pani left, that's not surprising.
promised hg i would go check on his flat while he's away. [...]
eric fiedler died on 28 may in decatur georgia. not knowing what else to do about it, i put up a web page to assemble people's thoughts about what he meant to us. got several contributions. the family appreciates it. i'm still wondering when they're going to have a party in eric's honor in buffalo.
today i finished writing version 04 of "miscellaneous providence." i realized that when i'm too busy working, the thing i complain about is not having enough time to write. i should use this idle time for writing stuff, otherwise i have no reason to complain when i'm busy. at the end, montmarte becomes providence rhode island. i'll have to check it again later and see how ridiculous it all sounds. maybe i'll print it out.