wed 31 jan 2007 13:00:00 — amsterdam
dreaming of incompetence
i have not been sleeping well, just a couple hours here and there. then late this morning i went to bed extremely tired. i'd finally finished a version of the instrumentarium flash site. i woke up this afternoon having has some really weird intense dreams.
in one dream i was a murderer, driving somewhere to dump the body of my victim, which i think was a loved one. can't remember too much about it but i remember trying to elbow the body out of my way so i could drive. in the second dream i apologized to my psychotherapist for being so tired when i last came to see her. and said i would call to make another appointment. she told me that was a good idea and that i should try to be more honest next time. basically accused me of being a totally dishonest person, and this was on the street in front of lots of people, so i felt kinda bad. then she told me to meet her in the hospital library. when i went there there were two different seminars and at each of them a lot of sick people were sitting around and lying on gurneys etc, and i was getting in the way and did not know where i was supposed to be.
the other day i had another couple of dreams about embarrassment, wishing i could hide, etc. one dream a bunch of kids i knew in primary school were ridiculing me. in a different one, i was about to be an underwater cameraman on a job i was supposedly directing, but which i knew almost nothing about.
lately i've been focusing a lot of energy on learning how to make a web site in flash, something that's frustrating and time-consuming and i think also visually disappointing because you can't make the same things look nice in flash that you can make look nice in my usual pixel-based compositing.
so i'm having dreams about feeling incompetent. but why am i having dreams about being dishonest and even a killer? (could it have something to do with all those forensic investigation tv shows i've been watching on TV?)