sun 15 apr 2012 05:07:08 — witte de withstraat
unproductive
i'm beginning to panic a little about how unproductive i am. every time someone suggests i do something, they don't realize it makes me feel like a slacker for not getting all the other things done that i meant to do.
i woke after about 2,5 hrs sleep. dreamed that i kept finding more and more fried food leftovers in my kitchen. foods i never really have in the house, like potstickers and spring rolls, all donated to me by friends and various restaurants. then i noticed that i had two whole cans of sea salt. then i looked on another shelf and saw six more cans of salt. i'm like what the fuck is up with all this food?
the next thing i knew, i was waking, but couldn't move, and said to myself: 'there will be a moment, is this it?' i wondered if it was my moment of death. i heard several people letting themselves into my flat, inluding some women whose voices i almost recognized but didn't know who they were. i could see the hall light went on through the transom window in my bedroom. i called out: 'who's that, who's coming?' i figured they must have a key to my place, cuz i had actually locked the apartment door. who could it be? then i figured maybe they were just the people who come to escort you away when you die.
i couldn't get out of bed, so i called out again, trying to muster some volume, which wasn't easy. 'who's there?'
'it's just us!' a woman said.
'am i dead?' i yelled out.
'no!'
'but i feel paralyzed,' i called out.
i'm not sure what was said next, but i have the impression they just told me to try harder. then i really shoved myself into wakefulness, and was able to push off the blanket. sleeping too warm again had caused weird dreams.
i woke with this sentence in my head: 'he's not dead, he's just being lazy.'
unfortunately now i need to sleep some more, because that couple of hours wasn't enough to make me feel alert enough to really work. the problem is that i'm working too much on unnecessary things and not enough on the necessary.
seemingly related topic:
the little funny movie i made last month, 'collins makeup roleplay', has just crossed 7460 views on youtube. that's a lot for me: most of my clips get seen 70 times at most. now every day i get several more people telling me how funny i am. tonight someone wrote to say 'you should take your act to vegas.'
what is this an object lesson in?