fri 22 oct 1993 12:00:00 — allston, ma
new blanket
[note 2007: sometime in 1993 i moved out from the salem apt and lived in allston ma for a while.]
got a new blanket for my futon. not much else new on the apartment scene because i have been rather hesitant to spend money on myself until d has moved. one week from today she moves from chestnut street in salem to chestnut street in beacon hill. [...]
i have started writing a treatment for a movie about an emotionally-disturbed schoolgirl-heiress who is kidnapped, then escapes and kidnaps one of her kidnappers.
[about a woman i was infatuated with]
she says she wants a friend, but really she wants one half of a lover — because the things that attract her to me are not friendship things. rather they are things that cascade from how head-over-heels i am. she touches me in an affectionate way, feels the vibration, then calls me an intellectual.
i find that part infuriating. my intellect is only an apparatus of my sexuality.
i am also disappointed in people who consider me exceptionally smart. i have seen smart, and i know what it looks like.
recently bought some used paperbacks for 50 cents each, at a sidewalk table on brighton avenue one saturday. among them, "the iliad" and "the odyssey", anne frank's diary, a book by freud entitled "civilization and its discontents", and a collection of war stories from the saturday evening post. today after dropping off my laundry i stopped by the lab up the street and picked up contact sheets of the photos i took recently of linda. a few of them are quite nice, many are rather ordinary; some that look promising are not properly exposed, but may be reachable in the darkroom. i wonder about the battery that drives the camera's meter.
this morning i had a dream that i was wandering around our production facility, only it was different, much larger, and in a different city. all the people were the same. i was busy running from here to there doing things, and in the back of my mind i knew something was coming up that i needed to attend to, but i wasn't sure when it was.
i found out that somebody had scheduled a shoot for me to begin the next day, of a project whose script i had written six months earlier and had completely forgotten. i was really pissed about how i found out. i ran into an actor in the corridor, just as i was answering a telephone call. the actor waited while i spoke on the phone. but on the phone there was another actor. he wanted to inquire about the script for tomorrow's shoot for client so-and-so. interpretation of characters, etc, right? and i said, "i'll be honest with you, i haven't the faintest idea. i wrote the script six months ago and don't even remember it now." i asked for his telephone number and said i would call him back as soon as i'd had a chance to look it over. meanwhile the actor standing beside me, apparently for the purpose of asking me the same questions, now smiled and said "oh" and walked away. the guy on the phone said, "that's okay, i'll just call one of the higher-ups".
as i approached the operations room in my dream, i ran into rob s who told me we were moving the shoot up and it starts tomorrow — that's no problem, is it? i started to push him toward the wall, and he raised his hand to defend himself like i was really going to hurt him. i was very pissed. i asked, "who's the producer on this job?" and mark said "you're in charge of the whole thing. it's a low budget job."
then i woke up, kinda groggy, still feeling angry. by the time i got to the bathroom i realized it was only a dream and i had no reason to be so pissed off.
[note 2007 -- another dream about being ill prepared or incompetent! -- sgc]